Fall in Love…………..with Yourself and Develop a Charisma

What a piece of work is Man
How noble in reason
How infinite in faculties
In form and moving
How express and admirable
In action how like an angel
In apprehension, how like a god
The beauty of the world
The paragon of animals!

You wake up in the morning, already stressed for another day at office or business. The rush begins. After hurriedly doing the morning ablutions, you probably think of the plan for the day, important tasks at home and office, worried about what all can go wrong (We apply Murphy’s Law; whatever can go wrong, will…by constantly thinking negatively and worrying).
The commuting takes another huge part of your energy and you reach office already tired. The intense pressure begins and the race continues through the day. Then there is another round of irritating commuting (it can be a major harassment in metros of developing countries with traffic jams, chaos and indiscipline adding to chaos).
You reach home, burnt out looking for excuses, why you should do less work than your spouse and try to continue playing, 'passing the bucket' game which began at the office. The children tell some more problems which need your mediation and you feel you are the biggest donkey in the world. You watch TV as an escape, look for some comedy shows and sitcoms. You have already started worrying for the next day and sleep attacks you or rather saves you from further worries.
Typical lifecycles for most of us. I will share a joke (Shared with me by my uncle/family friend Late Shri Anand Bhardwaj long back) to release the stress I have created by bringing all those bad memories. Our life consists of four animal phases. As children we are like rabbits, everyone pampers us and plays with us. Then we grow into youth and become energetic horses. Next phase is getting married and becoming donkeys with all kinds of burdens possible. The final phase begins as a dog (old age) where we keep waiting for our children to serve us food and feel we are at their mercy.

With such hectic schedules where already there is lot of guilt of responsibilities not shared, tasks left undone, how can one think of spending quality time with oneself? “What a cruel joke you are playing with me, Dr Amit? (with emphasis added to Dr, to suggest sarcasm)”, my friends tell me.
Ok, let’s try to find some practical solutions. It is important to connect with the self to truly connect with others (to have a calm mind, to understand your own true desires, to balance between your desires and family responsibilities) Find a space and time to be quiet. Start with a realistic time of just five minutes and spend time with the most important person in your life; yourself.
Only when one is connected to one’s inner core, is one connected to others….And for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude.
Anne M. Lindbergh
When we work under pressure (with added pressures of family and society), we tend to forget why and in which direction we are running. We might be running to hit the wall and collapse. Once you have truly connected with the self, you will find that perfect joy and peace, you had spent your entire life chasing yet it remaining out of reach. Earlier (when I was not connected with myself) I would sing, "You can do magic", Now I sing, "I can do magic (to myself)"
"We have to be learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our worst enemies" Roderick Thorp

So you think, you are the unluckiest person in the world with all problems possible and zero support systems. Your life has already collapsed and there is no way it can be normalized. The light may seem dim and the dark tunnel may seem too long, but the light is there and once you are out of the tunnel there is bright light. Once I wrote on Facebook, “You are fiery, you are fire, and you may burn me into ashes. But I will rise.......rise from the ashes like the proverbial Phoenix”
The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. Just resolve today, "I am not going to be a burnout which I am being pushed into." In the ancient India, there was a stress release room called Kopebhawan (building/room for sadness). The kings and queens would go and break glass bottles and do such things to release their stress. The way we are moving, will we have Corporate Kopebhawans in the future? Remember, sad people attract sad people, lonely people attract lonely people, emotional people attract emotional people, happy people attract ALL people.
Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains
At the huge waves of the sea
At the long courses of the rivers
At the vast compass of the ocean
At the circular motion of the stars
And they pass by themselves without wondering.
St Augustine

Nitesh Mittal, a former student of mine, wrote few beautiful lines in this connection to me, "Often we attempt to live our lives backwards; we try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what we want, so we will be happier. I think the way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want...!" Sometimes the young generation surprises me with its maturity. (My Indian students tell me, you are not young anymore as you have crossed 20s. Dear students, don't tell this to any westerner)
Ask yourself every day, “Do I plan quality time with myself, for myself? Personally, my sense of individuality has always been high and I have always been a little narcissist and a little in love with myself. I think it’s important to like and respect yourself if you want to be liked and respected by others. That’s the best way of creating a magic in your personality, a charisma…

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Dr Amit Nagpal is a Global Success Coach and Personal Branding Consultant. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch.

He may be reached at amitknagpal@gmail.com


  1. Nice article Dr. Amit

    Sir, I think we need to control our mind first in order to fall in love with ourself.
    As you truly said, spending quality time with oneself is of utmost importance.
    We use to collect a lot of bad memories in our mind viz. anger, hatred, jealousy towards others and sometimes from ourself, which ultimately spoils our happiness.
    Also, What we assume as happiness is not an actual happiness. Happiness is not outside it lies inside with us (Internally)
    Happiness is unconditional, we must not depend on others for us to be happy although we do the reverse.
    If I got 90% marks i will be happy, if got 80% then i will not be happy.
    Why do we all are being asked in our various stages of life: which is the happiest day of our life? Why we are bound to be happy for only one of two days?
    It is our BELIEF that's the culprit.
    We need to keep a check on this 'BELIEF'.
    I think, all days and each moment should be filled with happiness.
    Its the 'belief system' we need to watch, its our attitude towards life we need to cater to, that can help us to keep us loving our-self.
    "Its our thoughts leads us to our destiny"

  2. very true Nitesh, the belief is the culprit and we need to reprogram our mind.

  3. Thank you Dr. Amit for your beautiful post!

    It is always fun and pleasant to be around the people who truly love themselves. They radiate positive energy and uplift everyone around.

    I too love myself deeply and appreciate all the qualities and uniqueness of myself. Thank you so much for sharing... Namaste, from Washington DC

  4. Thank you Serene for your feedback and nice to come across a like minded person.

  5. Another great article..I was going to say something funny...like "Sometimes I talk to myself so I can have an intelligent conversation." :) But now I have you all. Cheers.

  6. Bob, you are really funny and INTERESTING. I like that.

  7. I like what Bob said.
    Btw : I think its not something funny ... its serious :)

  8. Food for thought, Amit...

    But my 2 bits worth: you can understand what you want - you can know how to achieve the same - but making the decisions - and the compromises the decision entails - is what holds a good number of people back from taking the plunge...

    That is one area where the human mind becomes a slave of the current situation. And it takes a huge effort to make the jump... be what the direction may. This is something that applies to relationships, careers - in short, everything.

  9. Very nicely put Vishal. I completely agree, it takes whole lot of courage to come out of such vicious situations.


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